Beyond the Warrior Within

    I go home in two days, only for a blink, though I’m still not sure I want to. Weird I know. Thankfully there is one or two people who read this and I’m sure at least one of them understands. Heck, sometimes this someone knows more about me than I do. Anywho. That has nothing to do with my want to write tonight. I just thought I’d let you know.

Things really are starting to fall into place here. Going to church. I’m even beginning to volunteer for manual labor and stuff with Scho. Still, there is a battle going on with me. I’m trying to stop cussing, drinking, and overall ruining my witness. Which is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There is barely any support for me here. Everyone you meet who is a Christian is backslidden just as you are. And its so easy to just lose hold. Thankfully as I’m praying…God is sending me people. Getting people involved. Showing me that there could be a support system here. It’s wonderful. Scho and I can talk but due to Marine Corps regulations on fraternization we can’t exactly talk all the time. We usually meet in the chow hall and hangout for an hour everyday. It’s a large encouragement seeing how he and his wife work out so far apart. She lives in Florida and they have a child. Yet, still the communicate constantly. And the center of their love is Christ.

I lost so much hope when I joined the Corps about meeting a girl who could sacrifice all that it takes to love a man in service. Not to mention, I have major trust issues and 1800 miles won’t help that at all. Though, lately thanks to seeing Scho and Stacey work through it and knowing the anchor to their love I’m finally understanding how this is supposed to go. The only thing I’ve been doing wrong lately is considering what I want. I always talk to girls thinking, ‘Could I marry her and raise children with her, and trust her being away from me.’ Which scares the crap out of me. But as I’ve told at least one girl I could see that with her. Hah. But the only thing wrong there is the ‘I’ and ‘me’. What about the woman God has for me. The girl who can help work through my insecurities. And is made in such way she wants to make that sacrifice. Hopefully, that makes sense to someone. Because it does to me. I’m always weird when I word things.

I think that concludes this for tonight. Time to go to bed. Early day tomorrow. I will add I miss you.

Zachary Piontkowski, PFC USMC.

Now hunny, if you’re wondering why I brought you here tonight.  

   So…I had a breakdown in the middle of the week and it was crazy. I realized that I… had no one I could confide in. I thought of someone who could help me out here at midnight. Someone who could help show me the answers God wanted me to see. The only person I could think of is Corporal Matthew Schoenthaler. (Who will be known as Scho from now on.) But he and I see each other once in a blue moon. And of course it just so happens I see him the very next day. And with all humility in my body I tell him I need help. Something I don’t really do. But 1800 miles from home can make you very needy. I mean imagine me coming up to you saying, ‘I need to talk…I’ve got this problem and I need help.’ It’s crazy I know. Anyways.

We end up hanging out today. Playing some Mario Party, which I got whooped in, and riding and just talking about ourselves and God and relationships in general.  And I have come to the conclusion he and I are extremely similar as far as trust issues are concerned. It’s insane. He speaks of how it affects his wife and how he hates himself for making her feel bad and just…I hope and pray I never do that to a woman who loves me. IF I get so lucky in life. As of this second I think I’m mainly searching for someone who makes me feel loved. Because honestly how many women 1800 miles away actually are going to wait another 6 months even for me to be able to come home once  every other weekend or so. Not to mention when I deploy and am gone for 8 months at a time. Who wants that? Especially considering I can’t offer much as a boyfriend should be able to so far away. Don’t know how that fits in.

All that to say I have a strong Christian fellowship with someone who can keep me accountable and this is a good thing. I’m going to church tomorrow for the first time in forever. I’m single and accepting I will be until some amazing girl who loves me and cares enough to take my hand and look at me and say ‘I don’t care what your issues are baby. We’ll get through this together. And I’ll be here, waiting…Until you get home for good. I love you.’ That is what I want. And I will happily wait until I get it. And in the meantime. I’ll workout and get all sexy and buff. Maybe some girl will be all ‘Oooo He’s a cutie.’ I’ve met a couple girls I could trust being this far away from that I would want raising my children, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get my want above. I mean I just want a woman to let me actually know for once she wants me.

All for Him
<3
Zachary Piontkowski, PFC, USMC

She gave that come and get me grin.

In my short time in Twentynine Palms I have managed to become an alcoholic. I drink more than I ever should. And each week it takes more and more to get me there. As well as the fact I get a bit more bold in my actions. I never really thought I would do anything incredibly stupid until last week. To make a long story short we got in a large brawl and I ended up running from some cops and then driving drunk even if it was for less than a mile. Thankfully for some reason God was watching me again and I managed to get away and no one I knew or cared for was hurt. Regardless, I will now admit I have a problem. And I started praying last Monday and sure enough God solved such problems in a matter of hours. Cpl Schoethaler aka Cpl Show is probably one of the best mentors I’ve had as far as Christianity goes. He happened to be on duty and I just happen to stay up til one in the morning playing cards with him and talking about how easy it is to fall away from your faith with no positive influence. Especially in the desert where there really isn’t anything else to do. And anywho we talked about a Godly relationship and how he knew he would marry his wife. And how its hard to have a wife…In the sense he puts her before God sometimes and well…I won’t get too much into his personal life. I figured I’d update everyone who checks this on how I’m doing. I know I’m supposed to be here. I see it in everyday life. But I know I can be doing so much more. Thank you for all the prayers. Not much else to update on. The desert is still hot. And I still miss home and all the peoplez.  Oh! And I’m even more of a hopeless romantic now. The service has made me that way.

All for Him
<3
Zachary Piontkowski, PFC USMC

I thank God for good directions…and turnip greens.