Beyond the Warrior Within

18 FEB 2009

So, I always type severely depressing posts in my journal. Always pertaining to love and past experiences that still haunt me. Perhaps, today is the day that should change for once. I love my life. Despite what I complain about in the dark recess of my mind, I wake up and fall asleep with a smile everyday. Most days I laugh so hard it hurts. Today for example, we took Buch’s cover and soaked it in water and then put it in the freezer for like two hours so it was frozen. So, to retaliate the LT takes Kitten’s coke and fills it with hot sauce and milk. Kitten almost killed Rog while playing around with an electrical socket. I almost died teaching Rog how to drive a stick. We swung around on a seabag attached to a chain. I walked a 7-ton tire like two feet. I will master the art of that and make it my vehicle. Umm, I look great, I really do. For once in my life I enjoy what I see in the mirror. I’m not sexy by any means but I look ‘fit’.

As for my heart, Look! I like to imagine the possibilities in my head in the late hours of the morning what would have happened between Brittaney and I had I not deployed. I also like to paint my life as some elaborate happening that is ever so dramatic. Truth being, I’m 20 years old having the time of my life in the desert. I enjoy not having to worry about women right now. Minus, the now and then before I go to bed I really don’t think of anyone back home. This is leaving out certain few who I have always communicated with. So, there. I love life. I’m not depressed, and I’m not heartbroken or hungup.

Word.

Point.

She knew that her life had passed her by

22 FEB 2009

I’ll start off saying Happy Birthday to Veronica Sue. Though, she’ll never read this. Hah.

So, today I was in one of the best moods I’ve been in out here. Probably has alot to do with some progress I’ve been making. The shoulder is finally back to where I feel comfortable lifting again. My biceps have grown a full two inches since I left the states. I’ve got my composite score to the point I should pick up in April. My bench and incline have both gone up by at least thirty pounds. I’m almost to the point where I can rep my bodyweight in incline. My max being in the 200 range I’m sure. I’m constantly watching my loans dwindle and my bank account rise. Knowing I’ll be fully out of debt by the time June rolls around. I’ve been given the knowledge that staying a year or not is fully up to me to decide. Found out what style I want my Alice in Wonderland sleeve to be. Also, discovered there is a new Alice movie in the works now, which is directed by Tim Burton. I’m hella stoked about that. Time is still flying out here. Yet another Sunday has passed with little to no conflict. The day crew is a blast. I can honestly say I enjoy going to work on a daily basis. The thought of home creeps in now and then, but its mainly at the end of the day when I lay down to sleep. I’m cutting this one short.

I love life.

Point.

I feel like there is no need for conversation.

26 FEB 2009

Been slacking in this department as of late. No real news to update on, outside the fact that I have enrolled in college courses. I’m taking 9 credit hours the next sixteen weeks. We’ll see how all of that mess turns out.

So, its my choice to stay a year or not. This is the biggest weight on my shoulders as of right now. Staying or going…It’s so crazy.

Never finished.

Point.

Welcome to heartbreak.

8 MAR 2009

I did not come to Iraq for myself.
It was not a selfish decision that brought me to join the Marine Corps.
I do not truly enjoy any part of my job.
I hate what I had to do to come here.
I hate even more the response that I get from some people.
I cannot stand you telling me you don’t know if you could do it.
I loathe the fact people think this is just an easy routine for me.
Being apart weighs on me just as much as on you.
The life I have chosen is not the amazing adventure I make it out to be.
What if constantly rings in my mind.
What if I was still living in Seymour.
What if I had never joined.
What if I had actually applied myself in High School
What if I had taken everything as serious as it should have been taken.
I could have my regrets and question everything I’ve done for years to come.
Or.
I could make the best out of everyday and cherish the decisions I have made.
I did come to Iraq. I cannot stop that.
I joined for all of you whether or not this war is right is irrelevant.
I love the people I work with and I love what my job accomplishes.
I love that I’ve had the chance to serve my country in a combat zone.
If by coming here only God Himself tells me I’ve done a fine work it will be enough.
I cherish the fact that since I’m here you won’t have to do this.
I like the fact you think I am so strong willed it is easy for me.
I know it makes seeing you again so much better.
It is filled with incredible experiences.
They are so easy to answer though.
I’m not.
I did.
I didn’t.
I failed to.
I could embrace the life I’ve been blessed with and hang on for the ride.